Lost

It’s getting close. My Camino is 46 days away. It has given me something to aspire to. For so long, I had no direction, no real goal. I was floundering trying to figure out who I was if not a mom. Being a mom had been such a huge part of me, and now, they are all grown. I remember hearing something one time to the effect of if you’ve been a good parent your kids won’t need you when they grow up. I feel that. All to painfully now. Empty nest syndrome is a thing. I read a lot about it, but every thing I kcome across speaks about a couple, a husband and wife. What if your only one? If your a part of a couple, at least you still have the other half. If you’ve been a single parent, it’s just you. A house that has been full of noise is so very quiet. That meal for five becomes a meal for one. Is it even worth it? Despair sets in and you wonder what do I do now? My purpose in life is gone. Often, parents are so busy raising their kids, especially single parents, that they haven’t had time to foster other relationships. So not only are our kids gone, but we end up with no friends to continue on with, to help us deal with this transition and all the feelings it brings up. Initially, they all still come around for dinners and family gatherings. Then they get significant others or married and they have to split the time and no one is ever on the same schedule and it get super hard to get everyone together. Loneliness sets in with bouts of depression. Oh lord! This isnt who I am! How did this happen and what do I do about it? Only then you have no energy to put into doing anything about it. So we get real familiar with the couch and the tv. What?!?  I didn’t even allow tv for so long in my house. That plug-in drug!??! No way. Now it’s my best friend. This has to stop.  So, I’m doing the Camino. Hoping for one of those life altering epiphanies. One that’s going to help me figure out the rest of my life. One that’s going to help me find a new direction, a new purpose. One that’s going to help me find me again. 

I watched The Way tonight. Actually, I could hardly watch it because I was crying so much. Is that because my Camino is coming up and all the emotions are beginning to rise

 to the surface? Will I find my Way?